Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
