Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
