It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
