She's JV to your varsity
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My penis needs a shock collar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
