Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
