ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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