my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
