3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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