If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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