I'm gonna have a badass scar
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
