my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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