I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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