shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
