He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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