I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
