...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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