Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
