i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
