i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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