From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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