this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize