This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize