We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
