I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My balls are so social today.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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