So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize