I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
