watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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