i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
