Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
