well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
