how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
