I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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