I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
