I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
