Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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