Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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