birth control should be required to get into college
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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