He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
