The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
