you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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