I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
