you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
