I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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