There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize