Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize