i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
