Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
