my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
