I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
