On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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