There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
