Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
