apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I AM VODKA MAN
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
