just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
