I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
