I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
