I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
