My nipple is on Facebook.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
