ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
