New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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