It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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