Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
