Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
