capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
