apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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