I think i peed on brittanys purse
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
